She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
