i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
