What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Randomize
