Yo dont text me then not text me
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize