3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
