Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
