my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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