So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
