If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
