so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
