i just had sex bonerless
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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