Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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