dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
