Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
