She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can I color on your dick again?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
