I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
