i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize