Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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