we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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