Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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