First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at about main and main street
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would ride that face into the sunset
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
