You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
