dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
