Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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