It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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