he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
