Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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