You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
