I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
