everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
