The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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