We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
