i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
