I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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