Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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