her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
