and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
