Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
