Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
