did you get engaged???
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
