brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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