Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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