OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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