turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
