there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
