Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
