Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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