Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
