forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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