wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
