Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
