R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
