Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
