While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
