I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
