I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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