Kiss
Puke
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
