If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
