I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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