he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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