the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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