how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
