i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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