I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
