okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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