Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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