so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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