I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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