just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
