i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
