ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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