It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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